all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
