Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
