oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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