I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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