I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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