at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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