I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize