my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
