It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
