I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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