winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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