we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The beer is more important than you right now.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
