went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
