Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
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