Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
