is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
