1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
