one two three fourrrrnication!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
