Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
