Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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