I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
