I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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