fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
