I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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