none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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