plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
