i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
