Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
