I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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