so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
