don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
