.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
