My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
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I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
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Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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