there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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