Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
