am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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