So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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