Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
