everyone is single if you try hard enough
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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