You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
