I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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