Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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