see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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