he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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