all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
