She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
