Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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