I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
