I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
