im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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