I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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