STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
