You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
