I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
