that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
