I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
