I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize