I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
