we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
