I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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