I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
