u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
