Plan B is the new Plan A
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
