I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Sext me about skeletons
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
