i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
