just tell him i said nine months
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
