He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Watching her eat just hurts me
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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