Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Do vagina's smell?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
